Whilst thinking about this post, and the whole idea of blogging, it occurred to me that I’ve been doing it in one way or another for about seven years. When I started University way back in ’03 Live Journal was all the rage, and yours truly obviously got involved. I’m pretty sure it still exists somewhere out in the ether, but don’t get excited. There’s no soul searching, no long emotional rambling. I think I probably just made fun of bands. Which is what I did with my next blog. I started it as a way to keep track of every band I saw live which is a pretty good idea in itself. It was always interesting to see which bands would find it through Googling themselves. One band took so much offence to what I’d written they considered splitting up. It was probably the pinnacle of my blogging career. And writing the phrase “blogging career” is the low point.

At some point, I stopped writing about every gig I went to and started a general music blog. It didn’t really take off, partly due to my laziness, so I moved platform and started yet another blog. This one. I had good intentions but they very quickly fizzled out. Music writing is tough. There are only so many ways you can talk about guitars before you run out of adjectives. At the time I was living in Leicester which only contributed to my lethargic attitude towards guitar music. The Leicester music scene is very set in its ways, good gigs are rare and the local bands are so embarrassing it’s untrue. For more of my feelings on Leicester, you can read this hilarious post. It’s pretty good.

When I moved down to London (cliche number one), I decided to start a food blog (cliche number two). Food blogging is actually pretty good fun and a lot more interesting than writing about music. Except I wasn’t very good at posting, for two reasons. Firstly, I’m very self conscious about taking photos of food in restaurants. Secondly, eating out all the time is very expensive, and I never seem to have any money. So the food blogging kind of feel by the way side. Which brings us up to speed, to this post.

Why am I bothering? I’ve recently been reading a lot of Davis Foster Wallace stuff, and whilst I am in no way comparing myself to him, because that would be stupid, I do want to at least bring a consistency to my blogging. One good joke per week is what I’m aiming for. That, or one obscure reference to Seinfeld. Another reason relates to some job shit which I’m not going to got into. I think one of the main reasons I never manage to stay consistent is the whole self promotion and circle jerk attitude you need to get more readers than your five friends who all work in equally boring office jobs. Self promotion is not my strong point. I mainly do self deprecating, rambling nonsensical posts, with little overall theme and no real structure. Must like this post.

So why bother? I’ve got no idea. But I’m going to.

5. The Weeknd – House Of Ballons

Remember Indie RnB? It was a thing for all of about five minutes. The best thing to get lumped into that was Canada’s The Weeknd, a somewhat mysterious group of dudes with a Tumblr and a Drake cosign. Both of their mixtapes pretty much broke the internet when they got released and with good reason. I actually reviewed the first mixtape here and most of what I said still stands true. ‘House Of Ballons’ is my favourite song they’ve done. It’s like R. Kelly on downers. Or something less trite. The Weeknd leads nicely onto our next entry, which is…..

4. Drake – The Ride

Anyone who knows me will probably be able to tell you how much I like Drake. Yes he’s soft as baby’s thighs or a glove full of lotion or whatever you want to say. I don’t care. I don’t listen to rap to be a snob – that’s why I still listen to hardcore. ‘The Ride’ is one the best songs from Take Care. The beat is not as good as ‘Lord Knows’ but lyrically it’s better. The reference to French Laundry is particularly endearing. I’m hoping it starts a new trend. I look forward to hearing someone name-drop Momofuku. I reckon Ye eats there.

3. Nicki Minaj – Super Bass

At this point you might be able to guess that I have the worst taste in rap music. It’s on a par with that of a fiftenn year old girl. Hence why I like Nicki Minaj. Part of me genuinely thinks she can be a legitimately good rapper. She’s certainly capable of delivering a good verse or two (see this or this for proof). So why does 90% of her solo stuff suck? Aside from ‘Super Bass’, pretty much every single solo song she’s had since ‘Massive Attack’ has been an obvious attempt to mould her into a pop star. I have no problem with this really, it’s just a shame she hasn’t released a good song for about two years. Aside from this one . ‘Super Bass’ is a prefect song for Nicki Minaj as it marries her (label’s) desire to be a popstar with her ability to rhyme, unlike her other singles. That almost makes me sound like I know what I’m talking about. I don’t really.

2. Wrangler Brutes – Rap Music

Just to prove that I like proper, serious music, made with guitars and real instruments, number two on my list is a punk rock song. The song is called ‘Rap Music’ – do you see what I did there? It’s like there’s a theme running through this. Technically this song did not come out this year. It’s actually about ten years old. I only started listening to Wrangler Brutes this year so I’m going to include it because this is my list and they’re the only guitar band I’ve got into this year.* As they say “everyone listens to rap music now”. Anyway, Wrangler Brutes are awesome on all levels – great lyrics, great guitar playing, fast and shorts songs. Perfect hardcore. If you would prefer a song from this year, please consult Countdown by Beyonce.

1. A$AP Rocky – Peso

Where to start? It says a lot about A$AP Rocky that I first saw this video on a message board thread about men’s fashion. Rappers name-dropping labels is nothing new but to drop something as obscure as Raf Simons and Rick Owens is really pushing the boat out. Or it is as far as my rap tourist knowledge is concerned. I bet Kanye is gutted that the best he could come up with was Margiela. And don’t even get me started on Tinnie Tempah dropping Kurt Geiger. So score one for A$AP Rocky. Point two is the production. Point three is the rest of A$AP Rocky’s two verses. Point four is the video. Point five is the fact that the song is less than three minutes long, which is the perfect song length, unless you’re The Boss, in which case, yes, I would like a six minute saxophone code, thank you very much. A$AP Rocky has recently been signed for $3 million. In this day and age, who the fuck gets signed for that amount of money? Either A$AP Rocky has shit loads of potential and this is just the beginning of something really awesome, or he’s going to blow the whole lot on some goth ninja jawnz. Just like the dude from American Nightmare. Watch the video and see if you don’t agree that this song is brilliant.

That’s for this year. Have a Cash Money Christmas everyone.

*This is actually not true. There have been some really good bands coming out of the DIY scene. Satellites Of Love play a weird blend of arty hardcore and violent post-punk, like a cross between Moss Icon and The Birthday Party. The Lowest Form are a little bit like Void. Sauna Youth released another great single this year, as did The Shitty Limits. I also got quite obsessed with The Monorchid this year, but again they’re an old band. Also, Facel Vega have just released an album. I’ve not heard it yet, but I saw them two days ago and they were awesome so unless they’ve done something drastic, I would imagine it’s a stellar record.

Starting a band can be a very frustrating, painful experience. You need to find people who can play. You need to get along. You need to all like the same bands. You need to agree on what kind of music to play. You need to find a name. Once that’s all sorted, you’ll have to start practicing together and actually write some songs. This means spending weeks together in a poorly heated, windowless room on some industrial estate, a room which stinks of BO and weed thanks to the sweaty metal band that used it before hand, where you can hear the faint strains of ‘Atomic’ being massacred by the Blondie covers band that practices next door. After a couple of week you think you’ve finally got something special going on, only to find out that your drummer has disappeared off the face of the earth, along with your over-priced boutique guitar pedals. So you have to start the whole process again. It’s a daunting process, so we here at This Is Leicester, Not L.A. have decided to throw together a helpful, easy to follow guide to starting a band. These three steps are all you need to become Leicester’s brightest new hope.

Step 1: Pick a style

There’s tons of genre out there to play, ranging from the ridiculous (lounge-crust), to the meaningless (indie-rock), to the unnecessary (ska). So how do you know which one to play? That’s easy. Within Leicester there are two types of bands, the mod-revivalists and the post-hardcore meets post-rock acolytes. Don’t think that you need to find your own niche or that your band needs to do something unique or special to stand out. Just pick one of these two styles and you’re on your way to starting a successfully band.

Step 2: Name your influences

Now that you’ve decided what your band is going to sound like, you need to find some influences to get those creative juices flowing. Inspiration can come from anywhere. Anything that you encounter in your day-to-day life, anything that you’ve experienced or read about, heard about, seen or felt, can influence your music. At least this what band people tell themselves. The real trick is to pick a couple of bands and rip them off completely. Since you’ve already picked your style this is surprisingly easy. If you decided to go with a mod-revival band simply pick a couple of bands that your dad likes and go with them. Show that you really care about classic song writing (The Kinks, The Beatles) but that you’re also into modern bands (The Jam). If you went for the post-hardcore meets post-rock thing, your influences should show the range and depth of your musical taste. You don’t need to limit yourself to one genre, you can cherry pick all the stupidest named genres you want; you don’t even have to limit yourself to guitar bands. Anything goes with you – you’re creative! Of course, we’re kidding. Your influences should read Biffy Clyro, Minus The Bear, and American Football. This covers you for ham fisted guitar tapping (Minus The Bear), jerky stops and starts (Biffy Clyro), twinkly bits (American Football), and big choruses (Biffy Clyro again).

Step 3: Get a Myspace page

Now that you’ve got your influences, you need to start you band’s Myspace. Now you’re probably thinking “no-one uses Myspace anymore” and you’re probably right. But you’re a Leicester band, and every Leicester band needs a Myspace. Not only do they need a Myspace page, they need to make it as needlessly flashy as possible. Banners, fonts, embedded videos, flashing lights. The more shit you can put on there the better. Convince your friend with a digital camera to take some poorly put together press shots of you, then get your other friend with the illegal copy of Photoshop to run the photos through a couple of filters so that they look dead arty. Now post those photos all over your Myspace page. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have any songs, gigs or even fans. As long as your Myspace page has some nice photos of you, you’re good to go.

Congratulations – you’re now a member of Leicester’s best new band. Within weeks you’ll be opening for some shitty band on BSM Records or trying to convince your friends to buy a ticket to come see you play last on a six band bill at The Shed. Sure you’re on at midnight on a Monday night, but there’s five other great bands playing that sound nothing like you, and the promoter said you’d get a pound back per ticket, as long as you sell fifty of them. Rock and roll!

(This was originally written for a zine I was going to make entitled This Is Leicester, Not L.A. The zine never got finished. This is funny though. Right?)

That’s about it. The real reason I’m not watching the leaders debate is because I’m looking for jobs. And by looking for jobs I mean fucking about on the internet. Maybe one of the PM candidates will hook me up with something? Probably not.

If I made a list of records that were completely unnecessary, a covers album from Hatebreed would pretty near the top. For a hardcore band, the cover is an integral part of the live set. It gives everyone a chance to show off their moves, point some fingers and sing-along. So it stands to reason that Hatebreed would record the odd cover at some point in their career. But nothing says “contractual obligation>” more than a covers record, and at 18 songs long, I can’t imagine Hatebreed see For The Lions as more than just a cheap and easy throwaway release before they release their next album. 

Of the 18 songs, the majority are from classic hardcore bands, with a few metal songs thrown in for good measure. It’s these metal songs that fare the worst – Metallica’s ‘Escape’ features some very questionable T-Pain style autotune and their cover of Sepultura’s ‘Refuse Resist’ is easily the worst thing on here. With the hardcore songs they fare a little better, particularly on the NYHC bands such as Agnostic Front and The Cro-Mags. However, their take on Black Flag’s ‘Thirsty and Miserable’ is particularly bad. As the title suggests, I’m sure Hatebreed are well aware of the reception For The Lions will receive. The only people who should buy this are fanatical Hatebreed fans – if you are considering purchasing this record, spend the money on an album by one of the bands Hatebreed cover. For The Lions should serve only two purposes. Firstly, it should act as a handy reminder of what classic (and not so classic) hardcore records you need to fill out your collection. Secondly, it will allow Hatebreed a way out of their record contract. Expect them to release a live album in the near future. This record is an unnecessary waste of time, money and effort. Don’t buy it.

Review for Die Shellsuit, Die!

At some point in the weekend I decided to employ the ‘watch twenty minutes of as many bands as possible’ technique, which is never a good idea. So here’s run down of everything I saw. 

The following bands I saw twenty minutes or less of, and felt that they were either boring, un-engaging, shit, or all three:

Casiotone For The Painfully Alone, The Acorn, Beruit (who I was looking forward to seeing, but was so dull I went for a terrible Pizza Hut buffet instead), Parts And Labor, Grails, School Of Seven Bells, Killing Joke, Young Marble Giants (more like Old Shit Giants amiright?), Shearwater, Jeffery Lewis.

The following bands were good:

HEALTH – I’d not seen them before and they didn’t disappoint. Though they come across as a tad contrived at times, they were still very enjoyable. Plus their drummer plays loud, which is always good.

Fuck Buttons – last year I thought they were very boring. This year they seemed a lot better. Partly because I was fairly drunk (OMGZ!!) and partly because with their new material they seem to have become comfortable with the fact that they’re more of an electro band than a noise band.

Future Of The Left – easily the best stage patter of the weekend (“FESTIVAL OF FLANNEL SHIRTS AND BEARDS”), but they suffered from playing on the atmosphere killing main stage.

Qui – I caught the last half of these and they were pretty good. Kind of blues meets Fugazi vibe. A nice surprise.

The Mae Shi – good not great. They’re a bit yappy at times. They got their sheet out. That’s it.

This Will Destroy You – post-rock that didn’t suck. I was as surprised as anyone.

Errors – like Holy Fuck but Scottish. An enjoyable twenty minutes.

!!! – they got a bit jam band at times, but still good for a dance.

Antipop Consortium – pretty cool it was too late for me to pay proper attention. Not as back pack hip hop as I thought they might be.

These bands were better than good:

Lords – not only was it very refreshing to see a good British DIY band play on a very American bill, but they were also very good. Like ZZ Top meet Fugazi or something. 

Harvey Milk – for reason I can’t recall, I only caught the last twenty minutes of these (it’s a theme) but what I saw was pretty damn good. I believe they were missing a guitarist. I didn’t notice. One of the best bands I saw all weekend. I’m a bit gutted I missed the beginning of their set.

Bands that were awesome but were not as good as The Jesus Lizard:

Devo – goes without saying really. One of the two reasons I bought a ticket. Probably the only band that worked well on the main stage. 

Andrew WK – the most bizarre set I think I’ve ever seen. It featured a guy named Bad Brilliance who had a large balloon for a head. All he did was yell “HOLY SHIT! BAD BRILLIANCE! HOLY MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! BAD BRILLIANCE!”. Andrew WK said “you can do whatever you want” at least twice. He said “party” a million times. Yes it would have been better with a full band. But it was still the third best thing I saw all weekend.

Bands that were as good as The Jesus Lizard:

The Jesus Lizard – you could see their families watching from the side of the stage. Imagine if when you were thirteen, your parents took you to a music festival because your dad’s old band were playing a reunion gig and then it turned out he was in The Jesus Lizard. What would you do? You’d be pretty fucking stoked. They played twice. They were awesome both nights. If you didn’t see them, you missed out.

Bands who I missed, but wanted to see:

Marnie Stern – she clashed with The Jesus Lizard on Saturday night. I choose to watch David Yow crowd-surf to the opening bars of ‘Puss’. A wise decision I think.

Sleep – technically I actually saw about ten minutes of these, but I was way to tired to pay proper attention so I gave up. You win some, you lose some.

And that was my weekend. Not bad, apart from when some guy called me a cunt because I didn’t have any beer. I hate festivals.

ATP intro:

The world of indie music is by nature a fickle one; a world that thrives on elitism, sarcasm, bragging rights and a constant state of one-upmanship. There’s always someone waiting to tell you about some great new band they’ve found, that no one else has heard of, only for them to rubbish them as soon as anyone else catches on or professes to be a fan. New bands are worn like a badge of honour; the obscurer, the better. In this sense ATP is the perfect festival; and it is because of this that ATP should quit.

 This year ATP enters its tenth year as a festival. Ten years of booking a festival full of underachieving, pretentious, overwrought indie bands for a fan base of underachieving, pretentious, overwrought indie fans; a fan base who show almost no sign of gratitude and whose sense of entitlement is matched only by their elitism. Every move that ATP makes is welcomed with fresh criticism. People complain about the venue so ATP moves to a different venue but this is criticised for being too big and not intimate enough. People complain about the queues to see some bands so ATP builds a new stage big enough for everyone but people moan that it’s too light or that the sound isn’t good enough. However, the bulk of criticism is reserved for one thing, and one thing only: the lineup. As with any festival, no matter the size, the selling point is the lineup. The better the lineup, the more people are going to enjoy themselves. Of course, with ATP it’s more a case of the better the lineup, the more people are going to complain. The main point of contention is that the same bands get booked every year, which is hardly surprising, considering ATP’s booking policy, and the fact that it’s been running for ten years.

This year sees the second time ATP have let the fans curate the festival. If the first time was an attempt to let the fans have a say and avoid any criticism, it didn’t work. It seems that whilst people moan about watching the same band every year, when they’re faced with a choice of who they want to play, people end up voting for the usual suspects (Shellac again). This year, not only have ATP let the fans vote for who they want to play, but they’re only allowed to vote for bands that haven’t played before. You’d assume that the fans would be happy at the possibility of voting for someone new, but you’d be wrong. When faced with choice, the fans either voted for the overpriced (Kraftwerk), the ridiculous (Fugazi) or just the plain awful (MGMT), or they simply sat back and complained about the entire lineup. If ATP can’t satisfy its punters with new bands and its only other option is to fall back on the same old bands, then maybe it should stop altogether. Then you’d really have something to complain about.

Swim Team – Make Notes, Have Plans

Stating your influences on your press release is pretty standard fair for a band. It provides a framework for the reviewer to place the band in and allows them a way of stating whom they think their contemporaries are and the bands which they feel they should be compared to. However, as a result of providing this framework, it can and often will lead to a very easy character assassination of said band. Take for example Swim Team. They cite only three influences on their one sheet, namely Minus The Bear, Coldplay and Arcade Fire. The question is how has this affected my expectations of Make Notes, Have Plans? Would my listening experience be different if they had an alternate set of influences? Am I already thinking of them in a negative light by expecting a hybrid of those three bands? Or is it a positive light? Has it raised the bar too high or too low when they say they “pay homage to the atmosphere these bands create”?

We must assume that there is a purpose to listing these three specific bands; that there is a reason that they choose to pick these three specific bands and no other influence. To dismiss it as a list of their three favourite bands would be a mistake. Even something as simple as a favourite band still plays a great part in shaping a musician’s style and approach to their chosen instrument. They would constantly judge their musical endeavours in regard to that of their favourite band. To dismiss our list of three bands as just a list of Swim Team’s three favourite bands would be missing the point. This leads to two possible premises, that either they provide these influences as a starting point for the listener, as a frame of reference in which to compare and contrast their output with that of their influences; or, that their list of influences should be disregarded and that Make Notes, Have Plans should be listened to with fresh ears, with scant regard to the accompanying press sheet and all that it promises.

Upon listening to Make Notes, Have Plans according to the first possible premise, Swim Team demonstrate their Minus The Bear influence from the off. ‘Ghost Animation’ begins Make Notes, Have Plans, where a flurry of hihats is coupled with a syncopated bassline bearing a large similarity to the style of the aforementioned Seattle five-piece. As the vocals begin, the Coldplay influence becomes apparent. The vocals soar and strain around a hook about “Jesus Christ and his ambition”, not dissimilar to a performance by Chris Martin. Over the course of the next eighteen minutes, Swim Team rarely deviates from this mix of Coldplay style vocals and Minus The Bear style drumming. In keeping with the reference points provided, Make Notes, Have Plans, stays a lot truer to the work of Coldplay than it does of Minus The Bear. The brief flirtations with the technical style that Minus The Bear are known for provide little respite to the debt that Swim Team owes to Coldplay. The combination of epic choruses, delay soaked guitars and earnest vocals that make up the bulk of Make Notes, Have Plans quickly outstays its welcome; at no point does it recall the work of Arcade Fire, and altogether fails to capture anything that makes these bands unique.

Now, let us return to second premise that Make Notes, Have Plans should be thought of independently of the three stated influences, and listened to and reviewed in such a way. ‘Ghost Animation’ begins Make Notes, Have Plans, where a flurry of hihats is coupled with a syncopated bassline, before giving way to a soaring, yet strained vocal hook, about “Jesus Christ and his ambition”. The vocals and drums are joined by delay soaked guitars providing a backdrop of fairly standard post-punk revivalist riffs, a style from which Swim Team rarely deviate over the course of five songs, a style which quickly outstays its welcome and fails to elevate Swim Team from anything but a slightly below average indie band.

So it seems that the same conclusion is always reached, be it by following the influence of their press sheet and its points of reference or be it by ignoring the provide framework of influences. If this reviewer may finish by providing his own point of reference for the reader, let it be this. Swim Team sound like Battle. That should contextualise this record better than their whole press sheet.

Review for Die Shellsuit, Die!

Empty Set is a two-piece band from the Midlands, comprising of vocalist Tommy Ogden and multi-instrumentalist Daniel Simons. Though the first sound on As Neat As A New Pin may be an ukuele, to pigeon hole them as simply a folk-pop outfit would be doing them a disservice and would fail to give proper credit to Simons’ clever instrumentation. Throughout their debut album there are hints of distorted tape loops, dashes of synth and droning violas that provide a counterpoint to Ogden’s delicate vocals and save it from becoming a too twee folk album.

Their willingness to challenge themselves is best demonstrated by their take on The Jesus And Mary Chain’s ‘Some Candy Talking’. Staying faithful to the intent and form of the original, Empty Set manage to recreate the volume and intensity of the original with their fairly limited means. Soft, whispered vocals are paired with tortured viola strings and reverb soaked guitar to re-create the wall of sound approach of the Reid brothers.

The opening and closing song set the parameters in which Empty Set works on As Neat As A New Pin. ‘Portia, I Dreamt You Were Real’ appears in two forms. As the opening song, it begins as a gentle lament for voice and ukuele, before being joined by a rumbling synth and an eccentric violin line, recalling the folk meets fuzz of Neutral Milk Hotel. Appearing again as the last song on the album, and with the alternate title of ‘Portia, I Dreamt You Were A Princess’, the song is completely re-imagined with vocals being juxtaposed against a dense electronic soundscape, not dissimilar to that of The Knife or The Postal Service. It is between these two points that As Neat As A New Pin exists; sometimes it behaves as a typical folk album, all soft vocals and delicate ukuele, other times it veers off into a soundtrack of tape loops and droning strings. It’s this willingness to experiment, coupled with a lyrical slant as concerned with science and mathematics as it is with unrequited love, that makes Empty Set more than just another twee, folk outfit. 

Review for Die Shellsuit, Die!

Hey!Tonal - Hey!Tonal

Being able to tell where a band is from on the basis of what they sound like is not totally out of the ordinary – but when it’s an instrumental band it’s a bit of a surprise. With that in mind, Hey!Tonal sound like an experimental indie rock band from Chicago. They’re not an old band though; they’re an ‘ex-members of band’. In fact, looking at their line up, they’re almost a supergroup. Comprising of members from (deep breath) Storm & Stress, Sweep The Leg Johnny, Maps & Atlases, Joan Of Arc, ZZZZ’s, Rumah Sakit and Pinback plus many more, Hey!Tonal are an exercise in experimental recording.

Rather than recording and writing in the conventional way, Hey!Tonal constructed their songs piece by piece. Drums were recorded and then edited into song structures, before each additional instrument was added, all the while being constantly manipulated and re-edited in the studio. Producing a dense, layered record, Hey!Tonal only really revels itself after repeated listens. Parts that at first sounded like a mess of noise suddenly give way to hidden melodies and snatches of vocal appear behind clattering drums. Parts and songs flow into one another; long passages of math rock skronk fade away to be replaced by delicate guitar harmonics. ‘Skitch’ begins as the most abrasive of songs, with a chugging bass riff being paired with a manipulated drum beat that sounds like a helicopter taking off, before eventually fading into a tapped guitar melody.

Though they make an interesting racket, Hey!Tonal aren’t quite the sum of their separate parts. For every moment that sounds unique and engaging, there’s an opposite moment that fails to reach the heights that similar bands such as Joan Of Arc or Don Caballero have reached in the past. Hey!Tonal succeeds as a exercise in recording technique – but as a record, though it doesn’t fail, it certainly doesn’t meet its potential, and at times can come across as a little cluttered and lacking in focus. A good record, but not nearly as good as it could be.  

Hey!Tonal on myspace.

Review for Die Shellsuit, Die!