Having been out of the country for the last three months and therefore away from the wonderful world of indie rock and all its trappings, I’ve spent the last few weeks playing catch up to the goings on in music world. Here is what I’ve learnt so far:
- Girls with keyboards are the new boys with guitars. It seems that every single tip for 2009 was some incredibly kooky looking girl with a Korg synth and her own songs. Because writing your own songs means that you’re a proper artist and you can be on the front of a broadsheet paper. And that you’re not so kooky that £50 man will still like you.
- Following on from this is the curious case of White Lies. I know the name from before I left the country but it seems that whilst I was away they’ve become the new shit indie band to hate, and have received a large amount of column inches. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a song by them. There’s a joke about them – the punch line is that they’re “sub-Editors;” you can make up your own opening.
- Also part of this new wave of girls with keyboards is Lady GaGa. I’ve no idea where she came from (apart from the same school as Paris Hilton) but I wish she would go back. Or at least buy some bottoms. Tights are not appropriate outer wear. Even Katy Perry sometimes throws a skirt on.
- The other factor of this girls with keyboards thing (I’ll stop talking about it in a minute) is that of Italo-Disco going mainstream. It starts with a casual mention here and there in the NME, no doubt in reference to some keyboard playing lady, then in a couple of months time you’ll find the guy out of White Lies claiming that he’s always been into it and that they’re new single was totally inspired by it. Hipsters will have to find a new dance sub-genre to name-drop. My money’s on Tech-House.
- ATP appears to have jumped the shark. You pay £160 to see Devo and The Jesus Lizard only to find out some other prick has voted for MGMT. Good one.
- Lil’ Wayne has a rock album coming out in April. Nothing good will come of it.
- In the next six months I predict we’re going to see loads of bands claiming to be influenced by African sounds and rhythms, when they really just sound like they heard Graceland once and thought “We can do this.” Blame Vampire Weekend. I know I will.
- Animal Collective released a new record and it’s the best thing n the world, ever. They won at music.
- This week’s NME has a bit that mentions Brokencyde, Millionaires and some other Screamo Crunk bands. Listen at your own peril.
So that’s what I’ve learnt about music in the last couple of weeks. I’m off to buy a synth. Wish me luck.