Reasons Why I Can’t Sleep At Night

or, First World Problems in List Form.

  1. Concerns about my slowly receding hairline, plus additional worries about hair thinning.
  2. Confusion as to why, at the ripe old age of 26 (almost 27), I still get spots, more so than I did when I was a teenager, which one would assume to be the most spot filled time.
  3. Annoyed at the fact that I am not allowed a brief gap between point 1 and point 2, such that I have both clear skin and a full, non-depleting supply of hair at the same time.
  4. Needing to buy a new sweatshirt, and being unable to find one that meets my criteria of being both good quality and affordable.
  5. Worrying about not being able to fall asleep, which in turns leads to me not being able to fall asleep, which makes me worry about not being able to fall asleep, and so on.
  6. W/r/t points 1, 2 & 3, worrying that my vanity, and rampant consumerism makes me a Bad Person, and a total First World Problem cliché.
  7. Why do my legs hurts? Shin splints?
  8. Am I going to the toilet too often or not enough? What is an appropriate number of times to go? Is this something that can be discussed openly?
  9. Should my stomach be making these noises?
  10. An inability to make friends, and keep in contact with existing friends, as seen in the popular film comedy I Love You Man, staring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel.
  11. Additionally, why can’t I be friends with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel? Those dudes seem chill.
  12. That my brother’s assertion that “You think you’re Jim but really you’re Michael Scott” is truer than I want to believe.
  13. Worries that I am basically a walking First World Problem, who has no right to complain about anything.
  14. Stupid blog post ideas.
  15. Nicki Minaj
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